No, i'm not thinking of killing myself -- well, not yet.
The insomnia is doing me harm i think.
Have been sleeping for just 3 hours everyday on average. This makes me in a daze while at work, and can't concentrate. I am also not having much appetite, but forcing myself to eat -- for have lunch with my colleagues and hence must not let them sense that there's something wrong with me; for dinner, if i don't eat, 贝 will not eat too, and if he doesn't, he will get gastric problem.
I'm not sure if not having enough sleep for such long time contributed to my blurring eye sight. Maybe it is the excessive crying. Yeah, still can't help but cry every single day... for how long is it? More than a month already i think.
I know this is not healthy. I know it is not worth it to do these to myself, but really, i did not choose to do these to myself. I just can't help it, as i simply couldn't sleep, and my heart is hurting so much that if i don't let it out by crying, i'm afaid i'll do something silly like hurting myself to ease the pain.
Anyway, the doctor refused to give me sleeping pills, as he said i will get addictive. He gave me some tablets that can induce sleepiness, probably something like those flu medicine. Of course i didn't tell him the real reason for asking for the pills; i just said that my work is very stressful until i'm having insomnia. I think he can easily tell from my panda eyes.
I will take the pill tonight and hopefully that can help me to sleep better, for i don't think i can carry on like this any longer.
Labels: love
