And i think it will carry on like this for a long time to come.
At one moment, i'd feel sad, lost, depressed, and even despair. I'd feel that it is the end already.
Then the next, i'd feel that my mind is cleared, i've let things go and i know what the next step should be. I'd feel that it may very well just be another beginning.
This hour, I'd think there is still hope, it is not too late, and things will get better.
Then the next, i'd think it is hopeless, all is gone and nothing can be salvaged anymore.
I'm not sure if this is a sign of insanity. I'm not sure if this will only make matter worse. I'm not sure if this is just gonna push him even further away with a valid reason that he just can't stand my erratic behaviours anymore, for the other person would never be like this, as she is a cheerful, optimistic and adorable person whose happiness is contagious and can put him at ease and fills his heart with joy.
I am a weakling by nature, who is forcing herself to be strong. The angel and the devil, my rational mind and irrational feeling, are all playing tugs of war, pulling me in all directions. While i take a step forward, i may go two steps back.
I think i need help.
Labels: introspection, love
