I think, therefore I write. (我思,所以我写。)

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Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Nowhere to run

I don't know where i should go in Malaysia anymore that would not remind me of him.

There are already a lot of sentimental memories of us in JB and SG. Then Penang will be a painful place for me too because that's his hometown and for sure it reminds me of him.

Now, even in KL, i'm not spared.

We used to drive to KL for shopping, and Mid Valley was the place where we frequented. I am now staying at The Gardens Hotel, which is located at Mid Valley itself.

The worst part is this place that is supposed to be filled with the memories of two 贝s, he had to tarnish it with his dirty affair with that China woman.

The both times that he came to KL with her, i'm sure that he would bring her to Mid Valley. In fact, i am very sure from the pictures that i got hold of.

He should be staying at one of the hotels here and had the multiple mind-blowing f*cking sessions with her. If my guess is correct, it was one of the hotels we had stayed before too. He brought her to a Chinese restaurant that we went to before, and i even asked him about during my last trip here when i wanted to go there for dinner with my "little brother" colleague. He also brought her to a restaurant that he used to refuse to go to because it sells local food but i had been to with my colleagues and told him it was not bad (and he even came back to tell me it was indeed not bad, pretending that he went alone).

He might have brought her shopping and bought her gifts like necklace and such, which of course, in his words, she had never asked for anything from him but of course he willingly paid for her on his own accord.

The ironic thing is this -- he told me that he was broke towards the end of both previous months. He said his bank account was only left with minimal amount and he was waiting for HR to bank in the pay. Well, i'm not even gonna mention the part when he could spend money in paying for the trips and paying for things for that woman, but reluctant to pay (or rather, just lend money) the medical fee for his sick wife. Of course, all the money he paid for that woman were not huge sums, but could accumulated to quite a good figure too. Then of course again, she never asked for any of those things, as he put it, so she wasn't out for his money.

I guess everyone would be rolling your eyes by now...     yes, that was always the reason he used to justify that she is a good woman, that she is not like the other China massage ladies who look for money only (then why she does this job in the first place if not for money, duh?!), that she has absolutely no ulterior intention, as if the only aim for these kind of women is to ask for ten thousands of dollars directly from the men and then run away with it.

And the best part is this... he was already feeling unwell before their second trip to KL, with symptoms of an onset of flu. Yet, he still went ahead with the trip, driving long distance into late nights, having uncountable f*cking sessions at the hotel, and went out shopping and having fun with her and her China friends.

Then after he returned to SG, he had the full-blown flu that lasted for a week or more (which i do not know how long because i already discovered the full story and left him). Oh, and not to forget that he may be exposing himself to possible unknown diseases with all the continual sexual activities; but then of course again, he trusted her words very much and was sure that she is very clean. (Ok, you can roll your eyes again.  )

He's willing to pay with his money and his health (and his marriage and the health of his parents) for her, to be with her, to have sex with her. At the end of the day, he claimed that he does not love her but me? Ok, we should all roll our eyes together now.

All these that he did were his business of course, but it hurt me till no end to think about it. It's gonna take me a lot of courage and energy to forgive all that he had done, but to restore the marriage is impossible, for the damage is simply too great and the trust has broken down irretrievably.

Yes, so i should just stop thinking about it. I know, and i want to as well, but he had already spoilt it for me by bringing their dirty affair here.

Oh, and did i mention that our memories were also scattered everywhere in Malaysia, including Kota Kinabalu, Kuching, Cameron Highland, Genting Highland, Kuantan, etc...

So where can i go in my own country that wouldn't grief me? I can either run to another country or i face it no matter how hard it is.

I think the choice is obvious.

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Tuesday, June 23, 2009 @ 6:37 pm: Healing process
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Tuesday, June 23, 2009 @ 5:51 pm: It's not love
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Monday, June 22, 2009 @ 7:51 pm: Paying the price