I think, therefore I write. (我思,所以我写。)

Cogito ergo scribo

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Tough night

Last night was the first night i slept alone in my room at JB home after the final breakup. I cried through the night.

I had been sleeping over at my aunt's place for the past few weekends. This house, especially this room, is filled with the memories of two 贝s. We had lots of passionate and intimate moments here.

There used to be just one single bed in my room, and we had squeezed into the bed together before for many nights. Then we moved my brother's bed from another room and joined the two single beds into one. After a few years, we bought a queen-size bed to replace the two single beds.

Now, the room is back to a single bed. I bought a new single bed and disposed the queen-size bed, which was hand-picked by the two 贝s.

Yet, changing the bed doesn't really help. It's just him everywhere in this house, my own home for >20 years. I'm not sure how long it will take for me to finally not feel any sadness when i'm in this home of mine.

It's his wrongdoings but i had to bear the torture. Sometimes i really wonder if there is indeed a previous life and i probably had done him wrong then and hence have to repay him in this life of mine. If this is really the case, then i'd hope that my "life debts" to him are cleared off in this life, and we do not have to meet ever again in all our subsequent lives.

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