This time, it really has nothing to do with PMS. I just feel down.
There are things that i really wanna get out of my head, but i seriously do not know how.
Eight years have indeed been too long, and how i wish sometimes that it could have been shorter, so that there weren't so much memories, so that i wouldn't miss him so much, so that the hurt will not be so deep.
Sometimes when the heartache has become too much to bear, i really feel like calling him up and cry my heart out, asking him all the why why why and berate him for all that he had done.
But then, all these had already been done, more than once, in different manner and mode of communication. What is the point really then to do it again, other than to let go of all my sadness in such unhealthy and destructive way?
I lack self-control on my mind, but at least i must have self-control of my behaviour. Do the right and sensible things that will lead us to the good, not the bad things that only gratify our desires but eventually lead us to the dark side.
All i can say is that i have a weak mind, yet my will is strong.
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. ~ 2 Corinthians 4:8-9
I really ought to pray more.
Labels: introspection
